I am not a perfect person, I have made my share of mistakes. I can garauntee that mine are not the worst made, nor the smallest. I can also garauntee that I'm not the only one to make them. One thing I have to help me through these mistakes and the aftermath, is that I see the things I've done wrong and try as quick as I can to fix them and be forgiven in the process. I have been told one too many times that I forgive and forget much too easily. I wont argue that, but there are times I try so very hard to be forgiven and it never happens. The times, for instance, that I've been in the wrong and hurt someone I care about so very much. I know I've hurt alot of people in the past for stupid reasons. One of my closest friends in highschool (so close, I lived with her for most of my senior year) I said something very mean about her. Uncalled for, petty and to this day I can't believe i said it. I know why I did, but that didn't make it right then, or today. That thing I said was the end of our friendship, I tried everything to get her to forgive me, but to no avail. I still browse her myspace page every now and then and see how she's doing; married and happy with a beautiful baby in Tennessee as of today. I really wish her the best, and all the happiness in the world. She deserves it, and I think I'll always wish to be forgiven, I miss my friend...
Then there are the times in which I know I'm right and it was the other person who hurt ME...and I almost always USED to forgive and forget. Almost two years ago a friend hurt me, very badly, didn't see what she did as wrong when I confronted her she proceeded to spread even more hurtful things about me. That I must say, was a turning point for me. Instead of reaching out to people, and bringing them into my life, I have been more reclusive. I hate that it changed me so much. But if a friend that I thought was so close does that, and doesn't see what she did wrong what would other people do? At least when I hurt my friend, I saw what an asshole I was... I don't think I'll ever understand why people hurt each other, for any reason. It messes with your head. I doubt anyone I have ever hurt will ever read this...but if you do...know that I am so so sorry. Reflection does wonders for the soul...
"Hate me today.Hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you..."
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